I'm a total slacker

but life has been going absolutely wild lately.
My 16 yr old has to have her tonsils & adenoids out in 2 weeks.
I have to have some bone hunked out of my neck vertabrae--whenever they tell me.
My son is going thru a shit-ton of testing for ADD, aspergers & whatever the hell else alphabet soup they can come up with. We have an average of 3 dr/shrink appts each week. I can't keep up & the gas money is killing me.

Still seeing Roger & Sue, at least once a week, sometimes more. Sue is showing signs of jealousy & I'm soooo not cool with that. I'd prefer to have alone time with them both, to be able to develop physical AND mental connections--instead of always a THREESOME. (which is a lot of pressure at times). So--when I mentioned this, she immediately assumes that I want time alone with Roger & not her---well YES, but I want time alone with HER too.

I'm turned off by jealousy & greedy behavior. I want a balance. I'm tired of every Saturday night is a drunken threesome. We need some variety & some different things brought in. Not just props, but different experiences & dabbling.

I've also been talking to Jack alot. Been having some web-cam action & enjoying the hell out of his orders. He's trying to come up with the money for me to come see him this weekend. (I'm broke--forever & a day). Soooo...I think I'm going to. I do love him, we just can't live together ever again. I love our physical connection, but also, we've been playing a lot of Daddy/little girl play. I put my hair in pig-tails, put on some little girl jammies & took some naughty pics of me & my teddy bear. Then he talked me through some orgasms on the webcam. Totallyyyy freakin HOT. He doesn't have a cam, but I could hear his voice---telling me what to do, how much of a good girl I was being---*swoooon*.

There will be a major conflict when I tell Roger & Sue tomorrow that I'm going to see Jack this weekend. Sue believes that I'll dump them for him--nooooo. This is supposed to be an OPEN POLY RELATIONSHIP--and I don't plan on being nailed down to just seeing them. I'm not going to be monogamous with anyone at this point. I'm playing around with people I LOVE, not just out whoring & picking up random people. I do love Roger & Sue, but I still love Jack too. Hell, if my house was clean enough, I'd take on another lover than lives 25 minutes away. He had such a great cock & was all about 'no strings attached'. But--he was kind of an odd duck. Anyway, we'll see what happens. I'm betting there will be a fight w/ Roger & Sue though. Oh well!

The other day, my pain level got so high & I started having a total manic/panic attack. It lasted for hours it seemed. I'm still right on the edge of breaking down just thinking about it. Everything in my life falling apart and I can't get anything in control. Just felt like a tornado was in my house & the voices in my head were SOOOO LOUDDDD. I talked to a couple people on the phone & messaged with Sue & Roger & Jack too. They've all been there, but I think I scared them because they've never seen me fall apart like this.

My daughter saw me going downhill at 4 when I picked her up from school. She swooped in & took care of my son, made sure there was dinner & was absolutely awesome. I'm so proud of her but I hate that I have to have a damn breakdown for her to understand I could use some help--all the TIME, not just when I fall apart. What a great kid though--she was supportive & caring & I knew I could count on her to take care of herself & my son. He's 10==so it wasn't like I was dumping a newborn on her & flaking out. They can pretty much take care of themselves--I am very grateful that she understood what I was going thru & pitched in. I hate that MANIC state where I just can't stop bawling & shaking & not able to breathe. Ugh, probably need new anti-depressants soon.

Other than that?? My car is screwing up, my laptop cord went to hell (60 bucks for a replacement--my friend bought it for me THANK THE GODS! & bless her heart!), and I'm still battling state insurance for coverage for my pain patches. I have to appeal it every 3 months & then I go without the medicine for 3 weeks until I can get all the paperwork through. IT'S THE SAME PAPERWORK EVERY TIME. Sooo annoying and hella painful because I need that med just to FUNCTION DAILY. It's all about rules & how they can 'save money' if I'd switch to oxycontin or some other cheap morphine crap. Bottom dollar and all that.

Ok, I know, rambling like crazy, I'm off to play on facebook--I'm addicted to the Castle Age & Vampire Wars games...oh my GODS, they amuse me & waste plenty of time!

Ta ta!