Damn laptop

Either my cord or my battery is FRIED, so I've been WITHOUT INTERNET. Omg, I started playing guitar again--I've been THAT out of sorts! It works intermittently--& then shuts off & won't turn back on for hours. And a new laptop cord is $95 bucks! Holy moly--that's damn near what we live off of in a WEEK. It's impossible to save money when you barely scrape by.

Anyway--I've been having LOTS of FUN with Roger & Sue. Threesomes & spankings & fuckings & OMG--the ORGASMS. I feel like a goddess in a threesome with both of them working me over finger-fucking me or spanking me or torturing my nipples. And I'm going over to their house tonight. WoooHOOOO.

Last weekend, we all got really drunk & Roger pushed me to my limit & I ended up a sobbing, snotting mess. It was cathartic and cleansing. Every emotion I've held back came bubbling up to the surface and spilled out in tears. Being fucked hard, spanked, used---it was INTENSE. He held me & petted me, whispered beautiful things while I shook in his arms. I can't even describe how healing it was.

He keeps telling me he loves me & that worries me. I'm new to this poly gig--I think it's awesome, but I'm afraid of loving this married couple. I want them to remain my friends--whether we are all fucking or not. I do love them both, I enjoy spending time & talking, hanging out--they are so intelligent & funny. I don't know--the "love' word is giving me some resignations.

Roger being my dom is altogether a great thing right now. I enjoy his power & the sex is amazing. He helps me feel 'not so lost' - if that makes any sense. I guess I'm still a bit connected to Jack--in my subby head. I don't want to sound desperate, but it is a good feeling 'being owned'.

Sue & Roger both are encouraging me to go to a swinger's club and trying to think of who I'd like to go out with--combing the online dating sites & their group of friends. I sooooo do not have the nerve to go to a swinger's club...but I think watching would be very hot. I've not been an open slut--only to relationships. It's all new territory, inviting & terrifying at the same time!

Their birthdays are coming up & they are planning an orgy with their group of friends. I've not met their friends, but have heard much about them. They are all friends of Jack too--so I'm sure it will eventually get back to him. Roger keeps telling me he's going to order me to fuck his friend while I blow him. Yikessss! I'm definitely going to need some shots of Crown to get that kind of courage.

In any case, I'm still alive & hoping this post comes through. I never know how long the laptop is going to work! I hate how obsessed with the pc I've become--it's my LIFELINE and I'm totally addicted. I've even been running to my mom's to catch up on my messenger friends. I'm pathetic, I realize that! Whatever--most of my friends LIVE on the internets.

Gotta get to the liquor store & pick up my bi-monthly bottle of YUMMMY. It's good that I'm a lightweight with booze now--because I can't afford to be an alcoholic--(like I used to be.) I used to drink a 5th each weekend--but now all I need is 4 or 5 shots & I'm grooooovyyyy. Groovy is cool ;) and much, much cheaper. When I can't afford Crown Royal, I've been buying Canadian Club--it's a bit harsher going down, but the effects are the same. I have to have a soda to sip when I'm drinking CC. With Crown--I just hit shots like a seasoned drinker. lol. It's just so tasty to me.

My insurance company has decided to fuck with me & not cover my pain patches. I've been off of them a week now & it HURTS to BE IN MY SKIN. I've not had withdrawals--but damn, I hurt hurt hurt. Even in the shower---the water hitting my shoulders--it's painful. Fibromyalgia SUCKS!!!! But the endorphins I'll be getting later today--will keep me floating for 2 or 3 days. I think there needs to be more research on how BDSM, subspace & endorphins can help chronic pain patients. Finding a doctor who would believe it would be a problem though. Oh well--one of these days.

Ok, off to get in the shower, I'll be back when my laptop allows it!