missing

my body misses his at night. i reach for him in my sleep & only find his pillow, my only solace his scent. i bury my face deeper to inhale the memories made here. the laughter, the lovemaking, the giggling & the spanking.

god, i miss being in the nook of his shoulder, our bodies flesh to flesh, my hand resting on his chest so I can feel his heart rhythmically beat against my palm. As he starts to drift off to sleep, his breathing deepens and soothes me off to sleep.

When he rolls over towards me, I turn to my side. I push my hips firmly against his, his arm surrounds me, his hand tucked beneath me, holding me tight. I feel so loved, protected & grounded. I miss the weight of his arm against my ribs. Sometimes at night I roll up blankets and tuck them around me to try & remember how it feels.

And do you know what I realized? It's not Jack I'm missing in my bed. It's a man. Not Jack--not my ex-husband, not an ex-fuck buddy, not anyone specifically. I just miss snuggling & sleeping beside a man.

Friday night Roger & Sue came over and they ended up spending the night. Roger snuggled & cuddled me off to sleep. Sue slept on the other side while I was in the middle. It was wonderful. (and boy do I have a whole 'nuther story about Friday night--wooohooo)

My next lover? I hope he's prepared, because I'm going to waller & snuggle & cuddle until he thinks I'm attached to him. I can't wait.