So...I'm a unicorn.

And Roger & Sue are taking me shopping next weekend for a new collar. Surreal, happy, content. Nearly a year ago, Jack & I were looking for our own unicorn to play with. I love how life changes.

This is the first time in my life--that I've had friends, that I can say ANYTHING to. I don't have to hedge my comments or hold back my thoughts or censor my fantasies. It is fucking EXHILARATING. I love hanging out with them & talking all night. I love sleeping in between them & holding Sue's hand while Roger snuggles & spoons me. And the sex is a whole bunch of awesome.

In every relationship I've ever been in--I've held back or tried to be/act/say what I thought the other person wanted me to be. Yes, it was insane...but I've had this underlying need to be 'approved of.' The struggle of pretending to be someone I wasn't for most of my life is over. I can tell them anything & they love me *anyway*.


Except for the part where I can't 'come out' to my family or 'normal' friends as being a bisexual-owned-submissive in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. Ok--I'll never be able to divulge that to most of the people in my everyday life. I live in a small, backward, redneck-ish town & I never want my kids to have to deal with idiots judging them--because of me.

I'm totally not making much sense, I only slept for 4 hours in between them Saturday night...and that was after having 5 shots of Crown. Then last night I had 4 shots & slept for 6 hours--before son woke me up at 6:30 a.m. wanting me to put the head back on his action figure. WTF--do you see me sleeping?

Also Saturday, Roger & Sue drove 3 hours each way to pick up a girl they've been talking to online. I told Roger he is just wanting to feel like a god with three women in his bed. Greedy! The girl was fun, intelligent & cute. She's 13 years younger than me...so that is a bit strange. I prefer to date people who remember the 80's. lol. She slept in the spare bedroom & claimed a headache...after saying she could drink us all under the table. Ha! Maybe me--because I am a lightweight with drinking nowadays. But Sue? I've seen her drink a half a gallon of vodka & not even slur. There were a couple of times the 'new girl' contradicted herself into a corner with her own lies; I'm glad she lives far away. Not from jealousy, I get a vibe that she can create a ton of drama. My own warning bells go off when people don't have a driver's license, job or talk constantly how 'The Man is out to get them.' Ummm, yeah. We all have our own demons, but dang girl, try not to show up on Psycho Radar.

I'm still fighting with my insurance company for coverage of a med I've been on for over 3 years. I've been without it for three weeks as of today & I've made more than 20 phone calls about it to my dr's office and insurance company. Gee, no rush. Fuck it all, glad I only have *chronic, debilitating pain* rather than ya know--something serious. There have been a handful of moments where my brain has entertained thoughts of suicide because my pain level is that.fucking.bad. Oh sanity, where art thou? I cannot tell this to my primary dr--because I am paranoid that my ex could find out & use it against me in court/custody. The receptionist is a friend of his girlfriend and I can't ever let that be documented. I'm praying that it is cleared up today. I don't have minutes to spare on my stupid ass rape-me-by-the-minute cell phone. Plus, the weather changed drastically & I'm feeling it in my bones. I so need to move to a better climate.

I'm going to take a nap. Yay for rainy days & Mondays.