Dog-sitting

For the last 10 days, we have been dog-sitting for my friends. We had watched him before for a 3-day jaunt earlier this summer & he was an angel, we barely even noticed he was here.

This time? Even my son wants to drop a brick on the dog's head.

My friends didn't bother to give him a bath before bringing Doggie over. He smells worse than a dead, puffy, rank skunk's ass after an onion-garlic-curry-bean buffet. Doggie REEKS. And, drumroll please--he has godAWFUL gas. He farts like a truck driver.

Teen's face swelled shut within 15 minutes of Doggie's arrival. She had to stay at my mom's for two days until she got an allergy shot. Son's asthma has been so bad he's had to go back on the nebulizer twice a day.

I can't bend by the bathtub to give him a bath & my kids can't do it without aggravating their allergies more.

He's learned to escape our fence, runs to the front porch and barks. We let him in the front door & then chase him right out the back door. It takes him another hour to figure out how to escape.

Doggie gets excited when we talk to him with animated Dog-Baby-Talk. We taunt him with "Do-you-want-to-go-outside-Dumbass?" And he wiggles & wags. "Oh Doggie, you reek like roadkill-do you want a treat? do-ya? do-ya?" Wags & more wiggles "We hate you Doggie--yes we do, oh Yes We Do!" That's the most amusement we've had dog-sitting. Getting him riled up only to trick his stupid ass back outside.

I'm praying my friends show up tonight--I know they are back in the state & I do not give a damn if they haven't slept in 22 hours--DOGGIE NEEDS TO GO.

p.s. I really would hate to smell their house after this vacation--they also have 3 cats. I've never had an indoor cat (highly allergic as well) but I don't think it's a grand idea to not have someone check on them. They just left out a bunch of food & water. Can you imagine the litter box? I gag just thinking about it.