Tell me lies, sweet little lies..

In this case BIG FAT HAIRY lies. In all of my 'major' relationships with men--long-term dating, living together, married, living together again. I've been in love with LIARS. I must have some chemical reaction that says "Oh Sure, I'll believe ANYTHING...for a while & then I'll hate myself when I become suspicious & asking direct questions & mentioning little tid-bits in front of family & friends. So they can either stare at me like I'm the most naive person on the planet when it turns out to be a lie.

My ex husband, for instance, if his mouth was open, he was lying. Including "Do we have enough bread?" Oh yeah, we've got a LOT of bread. So I'd go & make the kids sandwiches...with heels. Because lying over bread is like-so-fucking-important. I'd get huffy & he'd start yelling...that wasn't what he said & then start twisting it around to make ME feel like an ass because We're Fighting Over Fucking Bread.

So you'd think I'd learn something from living with lies for 15+ years. Nope. I don't learn NUFFIN, cuz I'm thinking with a rock between my ears.

When I met Jack, he told me he was in the military for 12 years. Wow. 12 years. I respected him because of that. Most of the men (and a few women) in my family have served in every War & conflict dating back to the American Revolution. I have great admiration for those who serve.

Jack told in-depth stories to my son about airplanes, jets, submarines, guns, weapons--details of how he had PTS syndrome, how he'd act startled when fireworks went off. He was a great liar. He even went to college with help from his GI Bill. (ha)

In the past year, I've met Jack's parents twice. The second time I asked his mom for a military picture. She said "I don't know if we have one, but I'll look." I thought that was odd--how can you not have a picture of your son? (So I put it in my head that --maybe they just aren't "Picture People" like me & my family are. We take pictures of EVERYTHING. Bad haircuts, our cars, babies with messy faces, our flower beds, homes...you get it.) Jack was instantly pissed off at me, we left quickly & I've not seen his parents since.

I made him a cross-stitched bookmark with his military symbol & a flag as the backdrop and gave it to him for Veteran's Day. He acted embarrassed & said "But I didn't do that much." {foreshadowing people--I don't usually catch it but this one stuck out}

When Jack plays his MMORPG, he's on voice chat with his game buddies. Three out of four of them were in the same branch of military but at varying times. Jack was the highest rank among them & they all talked a lot of trash.

A few months later, Jack got really sick. Like walking pneumonia sick and he wasn't getting any better. He's allergic to the antibiotics I had on hand, so I couldn't even offer those. I was ready to take him to the emergency room one night but he just told me I was being overprotective. The next day I asked if I could make him an appt at the VA Hospital. He gave me a "NO, just DROP IT, I'll be fine." Mmmmk. Ten minutes later he fesses up--"I hit an officer & got a dishonorable discharge."
Damn. Shock. I still assumed he'd served SOME time. He just had too many details of things.

I've got to back up a little here. Jack's best friend & wife were the only friends of his we hung out with. Roger & Sue are also into bdsm, both are pagan, bi & poly and I've gotten really close with them. I discovered 5 months in--that Sue and Jack share a child. A 14 year old boy--who I never knew existed until I was in their kitchen & saw his picture on the fridge. Jack also has 3 other children by his ex-wife--whom he hasn't seen in years-nor paid support. Another story--for later on.

ANYWAY..when I needed to talk to someone about Jack & how to get him to move out--I called Roger & Sue. They welcomed me into their home and the Truth About Everything came spilling out. They were the only ones that knew about Jack and his past. And with all of my bad relationships of my ex's violent behavior--I needed to know what to expect. Is he going to punch me? Scream? Break shit? Also--another story for another time. He didn't get violent though.

The whole point of this long-winded drivel is...Jack was kicked out of BASIC TRAINING. He abandoned Sue when she was pregnant. He doesn't get a job very often--because he's 10-bazillion dollars behind in child support for his 3 kids. Sue's parents tricked her into signing over her & Jack's newborn son. (They've since healed & Sue's parents are still raising him.)

I feel like a complete fool. I want to tell my son eventually, just not right now. Maybe when Jack is completely out of the picture...I still have a ton of his crap here & I'd like to get my laptop back from him before we're totally severed.

I want a lie detector machine for my next relationship. And a background check. And maybe a private investigator.